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Planet of the Humanzees

May 13, 2005 by Mary & Kimberly

Continental_hand_knits_1

Hector smiled to himself as he
watched Michael take the mind control marshmallow gently into his mouth. 
Michael was only the first, the first of many.  Diana was coming along nicely. 
She had proven to be the perfect lure for unsuspecting men clad in curiously
feminine sweaters from the Continental Hand Knit Pattern Collection.  Soon
Hector would have hundreds of turtleneck wearing men under his control.  With these men and his
Panamanian banana connection, he would create a super race of human chimpanzee
hybrids.  Then no one could stop him. 

Hector and his humanzees would rule the
world!

MWAAAA HAAAA HAAA HAAA
HA

Posted in 60's | 29 Comments

29 Responses

  1. on May 13, 2005 at 12:07 pm David

    And can someone please explain to me what the sexual relations between these three individuals are? I have a feeling the diagram if very complicated.


  2. on May 13, 2005 at 12:32 pm Jeff Manley

    Is it just me, or is Hector played by Matt Lauer from the Today Show?


  3. on May 13, 2005 at 1:32 pm Eric

    This is obviously a 70s version of S&M; the blonde man is the top and I’m sure there’s more than one way to use that marshmallow.


  4. on May 13, 2005 at 1:38 pm Stephanie

    Michael sure does know how to use that mouth…


  5. on May 13, 2005 at 2:25 pm Brent McKee

    The real breakthrough was the refining of the female Human pheremone to a strength that would make a man attracted to Diana – or any woman. Although not detectable by most humans, Diana smelled like a Nevada brothel at rush hour. Hector didn’t notice of course – the damned accident had destroyed his sense of smell, but he’d have his revenge.


  6. on May 13, 2005 at 3:43 pm leandra

    I agree with David, there is certainly something very strange going on in this photo, even excusing the bad feminine sweaters.


  7. on May 13, 2005 at 4:24 pm Bridget

    Did anyone else hear the maniacle laughing in the voice of Yzma from The Emperor’s New Groove? Not just any maniacle laugh, but the one towards the end of the movie where she’s a cat. I think it was something about the humans and animals… But maybe it’s just me.


  8. on May 13, 2005 at 5:08 pm kmfrickeart

    Is Hector a winter-camp counselor at the ski lodge? I can’t think of any other reason why a married man (see the ring?) would invite himself to share in this erotic moment with these young lovers. Couldn’t they have shown him mixing up some cocoa or something?! WHY IS HE TOUCHING THEM??!!


  9. on May 13, 2005 at 5:50 pm Barfola Hawkinspit

    You so funny I crap my pants.


  10. on May 13, 2005 at 9:28 pm cyanbane

    It looks like Hector is wearing his family crest.


  11. on May 14, 2005 at 9:47 am Harmony

    Hahahahahaha! That picture is truly disturbing :)


  12. on May 14, 2005 at 1:24 pm The Odd Wife

    LOVE the blog. LOVE the wit. LOVE your minds.

    Hell, I think I may just be in love with you…


  13. on May 14, 2005 at 3:41 pm Elaine

    This looks like a still from some bad late-60’s Porn movie (not that I would know).

    All that’s missing is a pizza delivery and a little Bow-Chicka-Bow-Bow music in the background…..


  14. on May 14, 2005 at 9:43 pm friendbunny

    hmmm. curious. that michael there looks JUST like a priest from my town. i’m sure he has that sweater too! his hair has since greyed, and his nose is a little pinker but…. i’m just wondering, do you think i should tell someone?


  15. on May 15, 2005 at 9:43 pm kathreen

    you girls are too too funny


  16. on May 16, 2005 at 1:46 pm ferretnose

    heehee. I love this stuff. And I agree, it does look like an old porn movie- but just the beginning of one, like the exact moment in a porno where they drop all pretense of acting or following a story line.

    yall are hilarious.


  17. on May 16, 2005 at 4:00 pm alex

    where does charleton heston come into all this


  18. on May 23, 2005 at 3:24 pm Heather

    I found your blog through nimrodel at http://www.knittyboard.com and so far love it (this is as far down as I’ve gotten.)
    But… is it just me, or is her red and yellow sweater really great?


  19. on June 8, 2005 at 1:48 pm jennifer

    anyone thnk the guy standing up looks like Matt Lauer?


  20. on June 9, 2005 at 12:16 am Jonathan

    “All that’s missing is a pizza delivery and a little Bow-Chicka-Bow-Bow music in the background”

    I love how you spell out that classic tune, quote of the day, girl.


  21. on June 17, 2005 at 10:38 am Lewie

    CELEBRITY SIMILARITY ALERT: I swear “Michael” went on to star in many gay porn movies. (I have pics if you want to see!) “Hector” is being played by Nicholas Cage and “Diana” was one of Joan Collins’ early roles as a conniving, manipulative vixen!


  22. on June 20, 2005 at 3:09 pm Cindy

    Hector watches Michael slowly accept the marshmallow, inch by inch. Diana can’t wait for the threesome to begin.


  23. on June 20, 2005 at 10:11 pm zeke

    Heather…I too think the red and yellow sweater she has on is great.

    Matt’s hand on their shoulders is just a little disturbing. Alos the fact that the marshmallow eater is so trusting to let sweater girl have that sharp metal skewer right at his face. I’m guessing he’s toasted. Three sheets to the wind. How else would he let them dress him like that??


  24. on June 21, 2005 at 6:25 am StevieS

    As Stewart Smalley takes communion at the alter of kitch, he is heard to utter to , “Take your hands off of us, you damned dirty ape!”


  25. on June 21, 2005 at 11:36 am tvjunkie

    I think the guy on the left timidly trying the marshmallow might just be Wink Martindale, before he went on to be game show host extraordinaire


  26. on June 24, 2005 at 5:34 am Cheri

    I actually thought it WAS Matt Lauer, when I first saw the picture!


  27. on June 27, 2005 at 5:13 pm jfasoga

    Maybe Hector hasn’t plotted with Diana. Maybe he plotted with Michael, and she was just about to toast her marshmallow, when he pushed her, sending the marshmallow right into Michael’s mouth.


  28. on April 9, 2006 at 1:15 pm Daffy Crafty

    Don’t you understand, this is the sacrament of the barbaque fork. Part of an old fundamentalist religion before they found abortion clinics to bomb, they used to just hurt eachother as in this old photo. This is what back yard ministers and lay preachers did in the winter time when they couldn’t barbacue one of them outdoors, they held holy rituals and impaled one lucky son of a bitch as initiation into the cult. The marshmellow is like a teaspoon of sugar to make the barbacue fork go down.


  29. on May 31, 2006 at 10:33 pm Lois

    Mike’s sweater looks like a floor tile pattern. :-\



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