Ladies, would you like to meet that “Special Fellow” but you’re just too darn shy to make the first move?
Have you ever started to approach a man but then when you finally said “Hello!” you were at a complete loss for what to say next?
Let’s say you’re standing alone at a wedding reception, where you’re a bridesmaid (AGAIN). You think the best man is really neat-o but you just can’t seem to make eye contact. Has this ever happened to you?
Does your mother sometimes have two glasses of Chardonnay too many, begin sighing repeatedly and asking “Don’t you ever want to get maaaaaaaried? What about my GRANDCHILDREN for crissake?”
Do you get where we’re going with this?
Well, DO YOU?
For godsakes, you don’t want to die ALONE, do you?
In an apartment with two dozen cats and a freezer full of Lean Cuisine Chicken & Broccoli In A Lemon Butter Sauce?
WITH NO MAN?
NO MAN AT ALL!
EVER!
Dying Alone + Cats Eating Your Face Off Before the Neighbors Start To Detect The Odor Of Your Rotting Corpse + NO HUSBAND = Totally Pathetic And People Probably Won’t Even Come To Your Funeral Because It Will Just Be Too Damn Depressing.
LADIES! DON’T LET THIS HAPPEN TO YOU!
You don’t have to make the all-important “First Move” with this great new item from your friends at Threadbared.com. The Subliminal Smile Shift Dress™ takes care of it for you!
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It’s an ultra-chic little dress that’s perfect for any occasion.
- It comes in a variety of colors, from Basic Black to Rather Unbecoming Yellowish Beige.
- It’s a special dress….with a special message….for that special someone.
- It’s a dress that says “Hello. I am single. I want to hump you like an over-stimulated monkey.”
The Subliminal Smile Shift Dress™ is the only dress that features our patented Smiling Crotch™.
That’s right, ladies. ‘Cause When Your Crotch Smiles, The World Smiles With You.
Okay, well, maybe not THE WORLD. That’s an exaggeration…you know, for the slogan. But someone, a Special Someone, is bound to smile with you.
And your crotch.
Your subliminally smiling crotch.
Threadbared’s Subliminal Smile Shift Dress™ - The Only Dress That Makes The First Move….So You Don’t Have To.
* Results cannot be guaranteed with Subliminal Smile Shift Dress™ if the wearer is seated, holding hands in front of crotch or slouching in an extreme manner. Threadbared.com not liable for any unsavory weirdos that Subliminal Smile Shift Dress™ may attract.
Odd. I thought it was a “Caesarian Pride” tunic.
Not a very good advertisement. Those pockets are sewn on upside-down.
And am I the only one that sees that her head is only being held on by that scarf?
And why is there a beaver on her head? WHY? (All you can see is the tail. The rest is cut off by the top of the pic.)
Well, damn. Something’s gotta smile, ’cause ‘ol Charlize v. 2.0 ain’t gonna do it.
Hmmm, either it was a late night, or she started the day with a liquid breakfast.
Wow. Since I am quite lonely, and my cat has been looking at me hungrily lately, I may have to order the smiling crotch shift. Does this lovely smock come in an olive green shade?
It looks happy. Suicidal but happy.
It looks happy. Suicidal but happy.
See and here I thought when she couldn’t find anything to say, she could just wink her pocket at a man…
This is your best so far as far as I’m concerned. What a hoot!
You think the dress is cute and smiling?
You should see what she has on UNDER the dress.
I guess if a fella found the smile beguiling, he could stick his hands in the upsidedown pockets and push up.
‘Cause When Your Crotch Smiles, The World Smiles With You.
Haehehehe, that’s one hell of a tag line
I think they need to register that slogan before the Jaclyn Smith collection decides to use it as their new catchphrase and as a way of breaking back into the couture of KMart…
But what is the weird bump? Does anyone else see a small off-center bulge in the smile? That cannot be her belly button!
That weird bump is the single grape she had for lunch. What, you thought they always have time to purge?
Makes me blush. But if I were back in college, and drunk, it might make me smile, too. By the way, ever seen this? http://patriot.net/%7Eannette/patterns/cybertots/blacktot.html. Scared the heck out of me!
This is the FUNNIEST thing I have seen for ages!!! Thank you so much for making me laugh out loud so much. Your sense of humour is brilliant! I might just have to get my sewing machine out right away….
This dress just screams “look at my ovaries!”
There is only one way for her lap to wink at you!!!
Reading this had me laughing hysterically!! The 60’s were certainly a time of “interesting” fashions – I can’t wait to see what waits for me in the 80’s section!!
I haven’t been here in awhile, and I’m laughing so hard right now, I have tears streaming from my eyes. The entire content of this site needs to be put into a book. You’d sell a boatload of ‘em!!!
Ms. Seam-Shaping is looking very serious. She’s thinking about getting into another career, even she knows these dresses are humiliating.
Very subliminal, girls.
Actually, it’s superliminal.
Yes, it is now a word, because I say so.