“See, I made this special hand sewn apron to show my husband how dedicated I am to my homemaking duties and caring for him. When he gets home I’ll say something clever like ‘Look honey, my heart belongs to you.’ “
“Oh! Good idea. Maybe I’ll say something like ‘Look, Honey! Come here and let me give you some sugar.’ Get it? Sugar? Candy? The Candy Cane? Ha ha ha.”
“And I’ll say ‘Look honey, there’s a big man stuck in my chimney.’ “
Yep, sure is subtle the way that heart apron screams “Hmmm, where should I be focusing my eyes right about now”?
I can only imagine what the ‘Groundhog Day’ themed apron would have looked like.
Is it just me, or do these broads seem to have waists the same size as their necks?
a ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! all the comments are very insightful! i love it
its a junecleaverthon!
rotflmao
No, their waists are not really that tiny, they just look tiny because of all the fabric bunched around the hips.
Imagine spending all that time and fabric making a garment that is — from a cooking/baking standpoint — utterly useless. The only functional pocket has a puppet in it.
This is one of the best ever…
Not sure I understand why Sue gets her own ruffled heart on the cover when poor Sally and Jane are left pretending they don’t care and can laugh at all this foolishness
The chimney one has the added allure of being slightly translucent. Irresistable! Won’t be long before hubby is pulling that huge bow in a frenzy of desire.
This is quite possibly the most perfect Threadbaring in the history of Threadbearyness.
(Also, I would wear ANY of these aprons. Every housewife worth her imported sea salt knows an apron’s purpose is to make the wearer so cute her partner begs her to go out for dinner and dancing and other naughty non-kitcheny activities.)
I confess I missed the erotic possibilities of wearing a Xmas tree skirt around your waist. Must be menopause.
I don’t remember the Alamo having a red brick chimney.
Gotta’ agree with Susie Sunshine, though. The apron is a can’t-miss flirtation garment. Every woman looks unbearably adorable in one. It’s what made June Cleaver such a sex symbol!
Like a kilt, its only sexy (and in some cultures traditional) to wear this garment with nothing under it. Dinner and dancing will not be had by these obviously heathan apron wearers.
*heathen* even. No cookies for me.
My mom made the candy-cane apron years ago — I found it when going through her things after she died. I remember laughing at the silliness of it when she wore it — I called it her “June Cleaver” Christmas apron. But now it seems so dear. She’s probably laughing at me now!
Susy Sunshine, are you aka the “underpaid kept woman”? What a small web it is, when it comes to sites mocking the acoutrements of formal housekeeping. Hah! How funny, I had thought of leaving you feedback linking you to threadbared.
RST
It’s a simple personal scenario.
If I had one, my partner would be putting me in the apron’s greatest accessory – the strait-jacket. Protests along the lines of: “see how I put all my HEART into my cooking!! See how pertly devoted I am!” would fall on deaf ears. They’d have to drag me to the white van, weeping slightly, my voice crying out: “my muffins, my muffins!! Just think of all the wholesome goodness you’ll be missing!!”
Yeeeeesssss………quite.
But fortunately for the sanity of all, I always got disappointed at the bit in ‘Calamity Jane’ when Doris Day popped on a frock and cleaned the house. So someone else can wear the apron and wrestle with its strings, I think!! Even my grandmother would have baulked at these.
I inherited one of these totally non-functional aprons from Mom, and wondered why in the world any sane person would wear one. Either Mom was enticing Dad, or else she wasn’t sane, or both. (I vote for both, actually.)
There is an old picture in our family photo album of me wearing that candy cane apron (mine had large Santa heads appliqued on it as well). I’m about 3, and I’m pretending to put a present under the Christmas tree…and I look very, very puzzled. The apron tied under my pits and ended somewhere near my ankles and could wrap around me about a dozen times.
Thank you. Thank you for bringing back a very deep and confusing memory.
I want to know why you never see men having to wear these awful things?
And where are the apron wearers/designers of today?
The ladies who would be wearing one that would say things like…Dinner is ready when the smoke alarm goes off! or If you don’t like the cooking go out for dinner?
The apron of today has a cute little pocket for one’s iPod.
…as well as one’s cell phone and favorite restaurant menu.
Dear lord of the craft memories!!… I had to live with those people who spent months before Christmas making those kinds of smocked and apliqued and frilly things to give to the young house-wives, the poor young girls married to guys who hunted and repaired their snowmobilles in the livingroom in front of the fireplace. Thanks for the flashback Threadbared, gives me something else again to do more therapy on….when with the gifts of this blog ever end!