Two examples of "Fantasy Crochet" from a mid-70s crochet book.
In the first, I fantasize that a large crochet bird has is flying overhead and has just shat upon an innocent bystander. The women stands calmly, waiting for the bus that will take her home. She will take a shower to wash the droppings off and then she will have a pudding cup and watch a rerun of "Matlock."
In the second – I fantasize a sort of "Buffalo Bill" type scenario…the victim trapped in basement well while her captor forces her to don his original crocheted creations. She cries and pleads for mercy but he won’t relent.
"It puts the crochet on its skin or else it gets the hook again."
"Yes, it will, Precious, won’t it? It will get the hook!"
Do you know, I keep looking at that first one, and there is just nothing else it can possibly be other than a giant spray of birdshit. Is it explained in the book? The fantasy book? The disturbing, forbidden fantasy book? Shudder.
It like she just got arrested for being a public eyesore and those are her mugshots. As a crocheter, I am baffled as to why anyone would spend so much time and effort making those…those…things!
For once I am at a complete loss for words!!
Having just cleaned up after a sick child, I can’t help but wonder how difficult it will be to get the crochet droppings out of the shower drain.
Those look like the shaman headdresses that the high priest and priestess are supposed to wear while re-enacting ancient Cro-Magnon fertility rituals using a Venus of Willendorf replica that is cleverly crafted out of old pantyhose. I just bet there is a crochet pattern for the matching loin-cloth somewhere.
These headdresses would also be appropriate barbarian attire to wear when attending a pantyhose Thunderdome cage fight.
Oh my god! Buffalo Bill, indeed! And all the while, Dr. Hannibal Lecter sits calmly in his cell, knitting a tasteful ivory cardigan for Clarice. Quid pro quo, Clarice. Quid pro quo.
The only thing that could possibly redeem those headpieces (I don’t know if they’re hoods, hats, or gods only know what) is the addition of googly eyes.
hmm, both models r guys. they r being tortured by southern baptists 2 make them change “orientation” bcos as we all know u pick tha 1 u wanna b, rite oral ( good name )roberts?
Well, I guess that’s one way to keep your ears warm.
And what’s the gauzy, hairy strange stuff sticking out from the bottoms of the *things*? Be scared. Be very scared.
omg.
And I thought the pantyhose stuff was fairly disturbing … makes you wonder if anyone actually made and wore this stuff! Can’t you just see Disco Don doing the Hustle at the Dancing Inferno wearing one of these things?
The horror…the horror…
I am Lothar of the Hill People! Much have I have seen, and much have I done, for I am Lothar of the Hill People!
My woman makes hideous garments of wool and goatskin with hooks and needles of bone. She calls them “crochet” and claims the fierce warriors of Sumeria wear garments such as these into battle to frighten their opponents. But when I invited my fellow warriors to the hut for a game of sticks and rocks, they mocked the strange garments my woman made with her hooks of bone. I told my woman I would wear her garments no longer. Then she threw my personal collection of sacred relics and amulets out of the hut with great force! I may be Chieftan of all the Hill People, but my woman is ruler of the hut! I do battle with my woman, and lose. I will do battle with my woman, and win.. and yet, I still lose! It vexes me!
I can tell by the position of the sun in the sky, that is time for us to go. Until next time, I am Lothar of the Hill People!
(My apologies to Mike Meyers and SNL! I just couldn’t help myself!)
What do you suppose a bird could have eaten to make it crap like that?
Oh, my God–he’s crocheting himself a girl suit!!!!
The individual on the left is fantasizing that she(?) is a great tree of the forest bulging with fungus.
On the right, a model imagines that a turkey-pattern tea cozy–complete with real bird feathers–has burst forth from just behind his right ear!
Won’t somebody please help these people? Any psychiatrists in the room?
bwwwwaaaaahhhaaaahhhaaaaaaaaa
Love the SOTL reference. I also agree that the first one looks like a pile of birdshit. I wanna know how much acid these people were on when they designed this crap. hehehehe
I think it’s some kind of fake dreadlock get-up,with fake sheep-skin cape, so the twins could go out and get candy on Haloween night with the rest of the kids and not catch their death of cold.. after a long day of laying around smoking ganja,they have got the halooween munchies. “Oh mamma, please can Bobsy and I go out trick or treating tonight?” “Not unless you wear those nice warm hats I knitted you last Christmas.” “Oh, momma, do we have to? Please, not the hats mamma, anything but those hats! Mamma you know the 100 pound canary shat on mine!It smells funny.” “get goin’ you darn kids, before I send the knit dracula after you….and don’t eat all the milk duds on the way home”.
The acid that was floating around in the 1970s was really strange stuff. The one on the left is a dream vision of a vanilla ice cream cone, covered with chocolate sauce, with a dollop of whipped cream on top. The one on the right is a dream vision of Rosanne Rosannadanna being attacked by six medium sized woodpeckers.
I hesitate to point out, though, that the 1970s was also the decade that brought us Fantasy Island. Stuff like this makes you wonder just what Hervé Villechaize was doing on his off hours…
I have never been more ashamed of being a crocheter than I am right now…
And the secret is – these 2 poor destitute models are actually fantasizing about thier own deaths! What could be worse than this? Holy bird crap, Batman! What was that?
i come here for many reasons. none of them is “to be shocked” or “left mouth so agape i can’t finish my diet dr. pepper without jeopardizing the graphic on my $50 t-shirt”. honestly, to create this and then have a model pose for a photograph of it?? i am shocked and appalled.
I am totally at a loss for words…
These guys could *totally* bond with Ken!
Fuck a duck. Gaaaah!
Other than that little outburst, I’m speechless.
I shall go lie down and cry myself to sleep now.
These patterns tempted me to learn to crochet, I already knit hats with peculiar and humourous characteristics.
And I thought my friend’s crocheted woman’s torso with the stomach left open for a plant was weird.
Millions of Native Americans are spinning in their graves. Spinning at mach speed.
the deeply vested yet unyankable modernity and smoooth fillagirgy of the pieces is truly harvested in sentient lightness! don’t you think?
um, yeah, hi. It’s me again. I would totally wear both of these!! But then again, at this point, it’s expected of me. I’m like a chartered geek who discovered their radical boho gypsy ruttz of late.
Excuse me, Shelley, I ask you politely, just where would you choose to wear one of these? Keeping in mind you only have one shot at it and they lock you up for shock treatments. Disturbing the peace. Witness abuse. Plan carefuly, dear girl, plan carefully. And wouldn’t it be kind of warm this time of year anyway? Would you wear it naked like the guy on the right? Or with your brown velvet vintage cloak like the guy on the left?
Why . . . one would wear one (okay, maybe not the bird crap homage), to San Francisco’s Hallowed Halloween festival ~ The Exotic Erotic! With, naturally, the matching cod piece ~ feather bedecked and color-coordinated! T’would be a show stopper!
Someone tell matthew barney, quick.
would anyone be willing to sell a pantyhose doll made entirely from unwashed hose?
please don’t let pantyhose craft week end… just one more week…
Okay, after seeing those two examples of crochet horror, I want to see more! The others from the book can’t possibly be as bad as those, right? Unless there’s a burnt-orange one shaped like an owl with wooden spoons woven into it…but no, I don’t think even that would be as bad as the giant-bird-poop one up there.
Umm … Could you please post the title of the book that these pictures came from? Thanks!