“Finally Sister, our wedding day has arrived.”
“Yes. It is our wedding day.”
“And we will have our double wedding to the McFarland twins.”
“Yes. The McFarland twins.”
“What lucky girls are we.”
“Yes. Indeed we are lucky.”
“I am practically vibrating with excitement.”
“I too am aquiver with ebullience.”
“We are fortunate to have found the McFarland twins.”
“Yes. It was serendipitous to have met them outside the Gas ‘N Sip.”
“Indeed it was.”
“Indeed.”
“We were also quite lucky to have found a tailor willing to make wedding gowns to fit our nine foot tall frames.”
“Yes.”
“So, before we go in, which McFarland do you want? Doug or Buster?”
“Whatever. Got anymore Prozac?”
“A whole bottle. Inside my bouquet.”
“Good. Let’s get this over with.”
They were orginally triplets, but one fell down a storm drain…
What bleak dresses for a wedding. No shape, no decoration save that hideous frill- would look like hell on any tall person.
They vaugly remind me of Mormon temple wear.
Why does Sister 1 get a bigger bouquet?
“Sister, I think we will like our new homes in Stepford”
“Indeed Sister, we will find it Perfect, our lives will be Perfect. Everything is Perfect.”
“yes, Perfect.”
Did they have to bind their feet to make them all long and skinny like that? Is that why the sisters are so dull as ditch water now? Sissie #2 has the “deer in the headlights” look.
That was when they expected brides to be demure…and virgins.
Yes, they were moderately pleased to have located twin grooms willing to accept their placidity for life… The future held much promise for domestic contentedness.
We will be content when we join the other wives
Yes, all will be well at the compound
Gas & Sip? Good Lord, what are they sipping?
This is what happens to women without hips, breasts, and noses.
Actually, I have this really cool picture in my head, where they show up at the church, and there is one groom, and they totally go ballistic on each other and cage match for him.
Awesome.
What scathing jealousy! All of you are so jealous of these two perfect creatures that you can’t see straight!!
“The McFarland twins aren’t very successful are they sister?”
“No, not successful at all.”
“But they will be successful won’t they sister?”
“Oh yes very successful. Or else.”
“That reminds me sister, did you remember to send in the insurance forms on the McFarland twins? You did forget last time, and we actually had to work in that awful place.”
“Sister, I did not forget last time. I distinctly remember telling you that it was your turn to send in the forms. And it wasn’t an awful place. I got lots of presents from my gentlemen callers.”
“That’s because you forgot decorum and made noises while you were doing it. One must maintain standards.”
oh, come on… they aren’t those kind of sisters, they are THOSE kind of sisters, and are marrying each other!
Bessie is shooting daggers from her eyes at either a) her mother (genetics) or b) the shoeshop (heels) – the LAST thing she needed on this day was for Betty to be taller than her. HOW DARE THEY?
-Aly
I’m an admitted lurker. I love your posts. You’re insane – and I LOVE it!!!!!! Keep making my mornings!!!!
Clearly the two sisters are part of one of those huge wedding ceremonies where 2,000 couples exchange vowest together in front of their cult leader before selling poppies at the local mall.
I recognize that pattern.
My sister had it made up in imported cotton pique from
France.
I told her it was wash and wear and did she expect to use it more than once! That was 38 years ago and she is still married to the guy.
These aren’t real people, you know. They are works of some anti-marriage cult up in Idaho. They are made for parents to give their young sons when they reach puberty so the little fellas can get a feel of things before walking down the isle with the real deal. They are meant to scare the shit out of a kid so he is too weireded out to get married any time soon….look at those lips and eyes…and OMG…can you just imagine being in bed with long legs like that? I mean, really…upsetting…
hey…I’m from Idaho, and you know what, Daffy?
It’s all TRUE!
My mom used to sew wedding dresses to make a little extra cash. She made up this very pattern for a customer back in the day, complete with (sleeveless!) bridesmaid dresses from the same pattern, in a hideous turquoise synthetic silk. I still shudder to think of it.
When I was seventeen, I went to a museum with my best friend, her dad, & her stepmother. The exhibit was wedding dresses. The only one I remember today was the first one we saw: an opaque-sleeved, frill-free, polyester doubleknit version of this dress–with an attached hood. My friend’s dad insisted it was the one he liked best.
A HOOD? Was she getting married or about to lie face down on the floor to profess herself into The Sisterhood?
Who wears a hood with their wedding gown??
I bet Princess Amadalia or Armadillo or whoever she was would have worn one to marry the future Darth Vader.
my mom’s wedding dress was just like this. she looked lovely in it. she isn’t 9 feet tall though.
I’ve been to a winter wedding where the bride’s dress had an attached, faux-fur trimmed hood and the attendants’ burgundy dresses also had hoods. Quite attractive actually. Guess not everyone wants to wear a tiara of artificial pearls or flowers (or both!) with yards and yards of tulle attached.
*I* wore a tiara on my wedding day to make up for all the beauty contests I never won…hehehe…
“Aren’t we fortunate, Sister, that our excruciatingly thrifty Daddy agreed to pay for the wedding, as long as we were in a double ceremony?”
“Yes, Sister, very fortunate indeed. But you must keep reminding me which McFarland twin is yours. I only agreed to marry the other one so that Daddy would get his two-for-one bargain.”
It’s like the end of an old movie when everything suddenly goes all skinny and El Greco right as the credits start.
The one on the right looks too much like Ann Coulter for comfort.
Uh…..can we move on?
Yes, sister, let’s – move on, I mean.
I don’t want my son getting tangled up with these babes, dresses or no dresses, they are definately from some weired colony up in Idaho, or maybe Montana. Just say no, fellas.
Those virgin twin zombie brides do have that “possessed by Body Snatchers” look about them, don’t they?
This whole thing- dresses, conversation, etc, makes me think of those monotone cooking show radio show women on Saturday Night Live.
“These Shweddy balls are delicous”.
“Mmm, yes, delicious”.
oh. my. god. i only just found you, and was sadly unprepared for the experience. from now on, i will take the precaution of NOT EATING whilst i read. if you hear of people choking to death on the internet, it is most likely your fault. keep up the good work!