Here at Threadbared, we’re all for creativity when it comes to macrame. The medium naturally lends itself to artistic expression.
But!
Sometimes things can get a bit out of hand. We’re not saying you have to stick with safety projects such as owls and plant-hangers. We just suggest that you exercise caution in your knotting pursuits. You don’t want to induce nightmares or frighten schoolchildren, do you? Of course not!
And so we present: The Threadbared Guide To Macrame Safety!
Tip 1: Please avoid any High Priestess-style headdresses that resemble something from “The Dark Crystal,” possibly making you look like the Dying Emperor of the Skeksis.
Tip 2: Please avoid macrame footwear that looks like a page torn from a “Diseases Of The Skin” medical textbook.
Tip 3: Please avoid that whole chainmail-clad warrior-slash-beekeeper look.
Tip 4: Please avoid any “head veils” that look less like a veil and more like a group of teenage cooties that are on an Outward Bound excursion and are currently rappelling down the back of your head.
Tip 5: Please avoid any backpacks that look like some Phish-worshiping hippie spontaneously combusted across your shoulders and you just left it there.
Tip 6: Please avoid any National Geographic/African Village style bras that make you….oh, for God’s sake. Do we even have to explain this one?
Just no.
Just don’t, okay?
Gah! The only thing scarier than seeing someone wearing that National Geographic/African Village style bra would be seeing someone wearing the High Priestess-style headdress that resembles something from The Dark Crystal WITH the National Geographic/African Village style bra. I sure hope there isn’t a macrame pattern for a Trobriand Islander Yam Festival skirt to go with that ensemble hiding somewhere.
Um. Is it just me, or does the scary macrame bra look like… like she scalped The Empire Strikes Back-era Princess Leia?
Also, Nipple Here! indicator marks: scary!
I like the sandal on the left, but the rest is quite scary.
Jeebus H. Christ!!!!!
I think it’s the shorts that really make the outfit with the bra thingie.
Ack! Just Ack!
OK, I’m pretty sure that is Gilligan in the chainmail-clad warrior-slash-beekeeper look, with very chapped lips no less.
Plus, can you imagine wearing the National Geographic/African Village style bra all day and then discovering a sunburn??? Talk about Blazing Sunsets!!
Um, I actually would like the pattern for that bra thingy…for a stage costume…not for me…really.
It’s mighty fine in a godawful way!
Is it obtainable?
AAH! HER BOOBS ARE STARING AT ME!
Gotta agree with Cythia those macrame horrors have some great stage applications. I’d second the request for the title and isbn of the book if its available
I’m pretty sure that’s an eleven year-old boy wearing the National Geographic/African Village style bra.
Wow. I must be just a little too young, but I had NO IDEA there was ever a bondage side to macrame. Now I’m thinking “Rope Burns III : Linen and Leather”.
Shudder.
Oh, I love the Outward Bound cooties! Too, too funny.
You’d have to be built like an 11-year-old boy to wear that bra without causing a scene. I don’t think rope stretches that far.
This is the first time on this site that you might actually have to put a parental advisory on the pictures. Holy cats.
Bondage! That’s what I was thinking when I saw the footwear. I just couldn’t think of the name, all I could imagine was hippy Chinese women.
o.k. I can see (sort of) the head-kerchief. I could let the backpack (oh GOd! ITCHY!!!) go, even the faux sandals could merely be a 70’s whimsy gone wrong. But what in the ever-lovin’ WORLD was ANYONE doing designing that head-dress, and the bustier of doom??? Were they hoping to be the designer for a hypothetical David Bowie/Grace Jones wedding???
I’ve seen that bra done in leather. It was frightening then too. But if it weren’t for the fringe hanging in the front, you could wear it under your clothes (say a bulky sweater) and no one would know how kinky you really are. The tails of fringe make me wonder if the tails wrap around to the back in a bizzare form of crotchless panty, and yee gods, I really don’t want to know if they do. I feel guilty enough for imagining that far. I also have the horrible feeling I know people who wore this when it was in style, and would be dammed before they’d admit it now.
That last one looks kinda like something from Zena, Warrior Princess…but kinkier.
Oh, that bra cannot be comfortable. At. All.
Also, the repelling cooties? HYSTERICAL!!
Please tell me these are stills from a Russ Meyer movie, and not from an actual pattern book.
Has anyone noticed those feet are – well – disgusting?! both are drawn up like they’re embarrassed and the left one seems to be missing part of the big toe.
If you know anyone with a foot fetish, I bet you could cure them with this picture.
GACK!!, to all of them!
My boobies itch just from looking at that…thing. Man, that has to HURT!
I second emi’s opinion of the Xena the Warrior Princess bra. Honestly, #6 is so scary looking I don’t even think Madonna would wear it!
I’m more of a ‘Labyrinth’ girl myself.
I can’t stop laughing.
It just beggars belief doesn’t it? I mean WHY?? There are real people out there actually spending time coming up with this stuff and then, you know, feeling proud enough of their creations to take pictures! I hope my kids don’t ever make me any of this stuff at school, pasta necklaces are one thing but a rope bra??
I think I remember seeing those atrocities back in the day, especially the headscarf thingy, usually worn with cut off shorts and a tie dyed halter top. I think I made one similar to that one. I have a sad confession…I’m totally liking the backpack. It looks more like the main part is crocheted with jute or sisal cord and the macramé is added as a fringe. working with jute and sisal was miserable back in the day…sharp little fibers would break off and embed themselves into the flesh and they were almost impossible to dig out. Ouch. Maybe I don’t like the backpack after all…
The first pic is cool – after that they are just gruesome..
Holy God! Now I’m gonna have nightmares about these aberrations…
I hate to admit it, but I think the priestess headdress and the bra thing (although it would look terrible on most anyone) are pretty awesome. But I live in Berkeley, so I’m sure my opinions are suspect.
i haven’t been here in a while. and this is a supremely weird entry!
OH-MY-GAWD…..I just stumbled upon this site. I am from the 60’s and I remember this stuff. This is the best or should I say the worst! I love it. Thank you for posting these pics…now off to check out the rest of the site. Have a groovy day.
I feel so dirty that I kind of like the sandals. Oddly I just watched the Dark Crystal like two weeks ago and you are dead on with that analogy.
it’s unkind to make fun of the physically impaired….. it’s obvious she is wear the macrame sandels because real shoes won’t go over her curled under toes….
Now I know what to wear for Halloween–a macrame Xena bustier! XD